


Chapter 61

by myrosebudboy



Category: Carry On - Fandom, Rainbow Rowell - Fandom, Snowbaz - Fandom, simon and baz - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 02:16:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5188343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrosebudboy/pseuds/myrosebudboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N: basically simon’s pov of chapter 61. i used some of the actual passages from the actual book so all credits for those go to rainbow rowell! THERE ARE A LOT OF SPOILERS IN THIS SO DON’T READ ON IF YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO CHAPTER 61</p>
    </blockquote>





	Chapter 61

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: basically simon’s pov of chapter 61. i used some of the actual passages from the actual book so all credits for those go to rainbow rowell! THERE ARE A LOT OF SPOILERS IN THIS SO DON’T READ ON IF YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO CHAPTER 61

Baz is crying.

He's trying not to, I can tell, but his eyes are like shattered glass, glinting in the firelight.   I can't decide if I want to slap him or scream at him.

  I mean it. I'm not turning away from Baz. Not now, not ever. And I don't know why I won't. I just know I couldn't watch Baz die.

  Baz's eyes are full of anger, full of hate, full of tormented thoughts. His hand twitches toward his wand, and I mirror the acrion unconsciously. But I can tell that this time we don't mean to fight.  

We're considering how to save each other, I realise with a jolt.

  Baz is staring at me with a sort of hunger, but his eyes aren't holding the usual desire to kill.   I'm still holding on to his face, gripping on to it with his fingers, as if my hands will stop him from burning.   He needs to stay alive. He has to. He's _Baz_ , for crying out loud. 

  I never thought this far in the future, whether I would kill him if I had the chance. I wanted to, once. I never thought I could.  

But I could, now.

I could shove him backwards while he's off his guard, shove him into the fire, watch him go up into flames like flash paper.

  But I can't.

  I don't want to let go of him.

  I don't trust myself enough with my magic to douse the flames or protect the both of us. So I hold on tightly to him. He can't go. I won't let him. I'll knock some sense into him.  

Baz's eyes are still locked with mine, but they've lost their considering thoughtfulness.   I shake my head violently, and I mean to say, "You had better not do something bloody idiotic now, Baz, or so help me," but it comes out as a frantic babble of "no, no, Baz, no, you stay with me, you hear? _Don't you dare even consider it._ Don't you dare, no, I'm not going to let you," and I don't even know what I'm saying, and Baz's eyes are so broken. They've lost everything they've ever had, glinting in the firelight, the colour of ashes.  

 _He's not going to fight it_ , I realise, but I don't know what to do, so I continue babbling, continue holding his face like it's the most important thing in the world.   He lifts his face, so close that our foreheads are nearly touching.

  I just want him to shut up and stop talking like this. I just want him to get up and follow me out of here. I just want to be back at Watford in our room, knowing he's there, and that he isn't hurting anyone, and no one is hurting him.  

"Simon..." he says quietly, and I can tell that he's going to make some speech like his own eulogy (arrogant prat) because he looks defeated. And I'm still shaking my head and gripping his face and meaningless words are flooding out of my mouth as he stares at me with those eyes and the fire is getting closer and I just want the world to _stop_ , i want everything to stop-

  My lips are on his before I can even register what I'm doing.

  Baz's mouth is colder than Agatha's.

   _Because he's a boy,_ I think, and then: _No, because he's a monster._   

He's not a monster. He's just a villian.   

He's not a villian. He's just a boy.  

_I'm kissing a boy._

  I'm kissing Baz.  

He's so cold, and the world is so hot.  

For some reason, I don't want to stop.

  If he thinks I'm ever letting him go, he's wrong. I like him like this. Under my thumb. Under my hands. Not off plotting and scheming and talking to vampires.  

_I've got you now, _I think. _I've finally got you where I want you._   __

__Suddenly, his lips leave mine, and now our foreheads are really touching, and we're breathing heavily, and the fire all around us is so hot, and I see it reflected in his eyes, and I'm trying to register what just happened and if I ruined everything but all this only happens for a second._ _

__Baz grabs my shoulders and pushes me off him._ _

__It only works because I'm not expecting it._ _

__He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out his wand, then points over my shoulder, screaming, ** _"Make a wish!"_** There's fire all around us now, slithering closer through the grass._ _

__Baz's spell lands, and one of the trees goes out, then quickly catches fire again. Baz takes a breath, and I put both hands on his chest, letting him take what he wants from me. _ **"Make a wish!"**_ he shouts, and his voice is thunder.  _ _

__The fire dies in one breath - more like it was sucked in than blown out. My ears pop, and smoke pours out of the trees._ _

__I look at Baz.__

  Was that it? Did he just need me to kiss him to snap out of his suicidal funk?   

__He drops his wand and reaches up to my jumper (his jumper), then pulls it down to his neck. With his other hand, he tears open my shirt collar, popping the top button, and grabs at my cross, eyeing the chain. He gives the cross a good yank - the chain snaps - and he tosses it away._ _

__Then Baz looks at me like he always looks at me when he's about to attack._ _

__The fire is back in his eyes - his own fire, not the kind he can't hold._ _

__I stay perfectly still._ _

__He reaches up to my collar and grabs it tightly, pulls me slowly towards him._ _

__I don't dare to breathe._ _

__At first, I think he's going to say something, but then his eyes drift to my mouth, and I instantly close my eyes.  I grip him tightly to me, so tightly that I think I may leave marks on his shoulders and on his back, but then I can't think anymore, because he's invading my brain and all my senses and all I can think is _Baz_. _ _

__His lips are still cold, so cold._ _

__But I'm not letting go._ _


End file.
